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Content warning: This article contains many references to suicide. Please take care when reading. If you need mental health support, call or text the national suicide and crisis lifeline — 988 — or check out our mental health resource page.
Twenty-seven years ago on Valentine’s Day, Fonda Bryant had decided to kill herself. She credits a perceptive relative for stepping in and saving her life. Today, Bryant is a certified suicide prevention instructor and begins each hour and a half training by sharing her own story of living with clinical depression as a suicide attempt survivor.
Leading up to that day in February, Bryant had been going to school part-time, working full-time as a pharmacy technician in Charlotte and taking care of her then-12-year-old son. One of the first signs of depression for her was extreme fatigue. She said she was “debilitatingly tired” and every movement felt like walking through molasses.
She said her appearance changed. She stopped wearing makeup and doing her hair. She wasn’t eating regularly and would fall asleep as soon as she got home, sometimes without taking off her coat or work clothes. Bryant described her depression at the time as being a constant unbearable pain that she just wanted to end.
As Bryant planned her suicide, she called her aunt and told her she could have all of her shoes. Everyone in Bryant’s life knew how much she loved shoes, including her aunt, who then asked Bryant if she was planning to kill herself. Bryant replied “yes.”
Bryant’s plans were interrupted by a law enforcement officer at her door with an order to take her to the hospital against her will for a psychiatric evaluation. Bryant’s aunt had called 911. At the time, Bryant said she was angry with her aunt, but now she credits the woman with saving her life.
“Every time I share my story, a little piece of me goes away. But if it saves someone, I will share,” she said.
Her personal experience led her to becoming a certified suicide prevention instructor with the QPR Institute, a national organization offering suicide prevention trainings. QPR stands for Question, Persuade, Refer. The theory is that learning these three steps will make people more perceptive of those around them struggling with suicidal thoughts and give them some tools to step in with the right questions and help someone seek help.
Bryant likes to say, “suicide is everybody’s business” and “anyone can save a life.”
By training community members to recognize the signs, she’s hoping to turn the tide of a growing problem. In North Carolina, there were 1,436 confirmed suicide deaths in 2020. The suicide rate in the state increased from 13.8 per 100,000 people in 2004 to 15.3 in 2020, the latest year of available data.
In the United States, 45,979 people died by suicide in 2020, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. That averages out to one suicide death every 11 minutes.
The first part of suicide prevention training is learning the warning signs — both direct and indirect — that someone could be struggling with suicidal thoughts.
“Take all signs seriously,” Bryant said before listing the various verbal and situational clues that are warning signs.
Someone might use very direct verbal indicators, such as “I’ve decided to kill myself” or “I wish I were dead” or “I’m going to end it all.”
Sometimes people may use more indirect verbal clues, such as “I’m tired of life and I just can’t go on,” or “My family would be better off without me,” or “Pretty soon you won’t have to worry about me.”
Behavioral signs that someone could be at risk for suicide:
There are situational risk factors for suicide to keep in mind, particularly if someone is displaying additional verbal or behavioral warning signs. Bryant outlined the following:
If you’re seeing some of the warning signs, Bryant encouraged those in her suicide prevention training to “ask a question and save a life.”
She shared specific ways to ask someone if they’re considering suicide, ranging from indirect to direct approaches. She also referred her trainees to a resource called “Seize the Awkward” which gives suggestions and specific phrases to start a conversation with someone, including some of the following:
“It’s uncomfortable,” Bryant said. “It’s not a warm and fuzzy topic, but we have to have these conversations.”
There are also wrong ways to ask the question, such as the following:
All of these introduce judgment into the conversation, she said. Instead, the goal is to invite a conversation by being positive and encouraging.
Bryant added some people have said they’re hesitant to get involved because they don’t want to be responsible for what happens.
“People think, ‘if I help someone and they die, then it’s my fault,’” she said. “Not true! At the end of the day, they have to want to live.”
Research proves Bryant’s point. Interview studies done with people who have survived suicide attempts show that many suicides can be averted if there’s a delay between the decision and the act. A growing body of studies done worldwide has found that many suicide attempts are not planned, but instead are decisions hastily made in the midst of a crisis that became more deadly depending on the means at hand.
For instance, one study published in JAMA Pediatrics found that 90 percent of those who attempt suicide and survive do not go on to die by suicide later.
Bryant compared these conversations to performing CPR chest compressions on someone who later dies at the hospital. No one would blame the person who tried to help with CPR.
Bryant also gave tips for asking the suicide question:
“The best way to save someone’s life is simply caring and checking in on them,” Bryant said.
The second step in QPR suicide prevention is persuade. After asking the question and openly listening to the person, Bryant said it’s an opportunity to persuade someone to stay alive.
“Offer hope in any form,” she said. “Let them know you care and others care and the things they have to look forward to.
“And don’t remind them of the people they will hurt if they kill themselves,” Bryant said, adding that people already think about that and don’t need to feel guilt at that moment.
Helpful things to say include, “I want you to live. I’m on your side. We’ll get through this. You’re not alone,” she said.
You can also ask the person who else in their life would be helpful to get involved. Bryant warned that you should not just assume a certain person in their life — such as a partner or parent — would be helpful. Always ask.
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The final step is to refer them to someone who can help. You could ask:
“Your willingness to help can give them hope,” she said.
Bryant encouraged the group to follow up with people with a phone call, visit or even a card. Treat them like any other person recovering from any other illness.
“Don’t treat them as fragile. Don’t walk on eggshells around them,” she said. “Let them know you care about what happens. Ask them how they are.”
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by Taylor Knopf, North Carolina Health News
October 31, 2022
This <a target=”_blank” href=”https://www.northcarolinahealthnews.org/2022/10/31/suicide-prevention-training-urges-people-to-ask-a-question-save-a-life/”>article</a> first appeared on <a target=”_blank” href=”https://www.northcarolinahealthnews.org”>North Carolina Health News</a> and is republished here under a Creative Commons license.<img src=”https://i0.wp.com/www.northcarolinahealthnews.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/cropped-favicon02.jpg?fit=150%2C150&ssl=1″ style=”width:1em;height:1em;margin-left:10px;”><img id=”republication-tracker-tool-source” src=”https://www.northcarolinahealthnews.org/?republication-pixel=true&post=44151&ga=UA-28368570-1″ style=”width:1px;height:1px;”>
Taylor Knopf writes about mental health, including addiction and harm reduction. She lives in Raleigh and previously wrote for The News & Observer. Knopf has a bachelor’s degree in sociology with a… More by Taylor Knopf
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